Monday, April 30, 2007

The distant moaning of a train seems to play a sad refrain through the night

Agape is over and I feel like I have my life back. Thank you, I like having a grip on it again. It went well, people were happy, junior high girls got autographs, and high schoolers got to purchase t-shirts with logos of popular brands changed ever so slightly to make them Christian - "Godiswiser" for Budweiser, "Abreadcrumb & Fish" for Abercrombie & Fitch.

I really enjoyed myself. But as I was sitting in my golf cart, waiting for a couple of straggling Steller Kart members to mosy on over, the bassist asked me why I wanted to get into the music business. And I didn't know what to tell him. Why do I? Is this some whim that I've been following for the past 4 or 5 years? What if I don't end up wanting to do it? Is it too late to change my mind? I've almost graduated, my resume is stuffed with all of these credentials as to why I'd be amazing in this business, I have an internship at EMI-CMG in Artist Development, and I'm still thinking, "What if I want to be a writer?" or "What if I end up as a mom who doesn't want a career?" What if I've wasted the entirety of my college experience working towards something I woke up one day 5 years ago and decided I wanted to do?

I start to panic myself with these thoughts.

And it's not like I don't love it - I really do, it's just that I'm worried that I'm limiting myself. My friend Conor, he's in Korea for a year teaching English. What if I wanted to? Could I fit it in between internships and masters degrees and the madness of Nashville job searching? And even if I work this hard, is there any guarentee to being something significant? I could end up like Brooke - a music business major, president of MEISA, intern at EMI, top of her class - and now living outside of Nashville in a small 4 room apartment working for the Gideons. Yeah, the Gideons who leave Bibles everywhere.

I don't know why I'm feeling cynical all of a sudden. I'm glad I know what I want to do with my life, but for some reason I feel like I'm being pressured into something I'm not sure I agree with - which is weird because it's me who's been doing the pressuring. I don't know how I feel about "Christian" music - strike that, I do know how I feel. So why am I going to be working all summer at a place that's in charge of pretty much every significant Christian band in America?

Boo. I think I just need a nap.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Nobody dances anymore

So my Junior-Senior date's lung collapsed.

ONLY ME.

Junior year of high school I went to Formal with Keith, who hated my dress, I hated his tux (all white, who wears all white?!), and he went out the day before and got gloriously sunburned so he looked like a tomato wrapped in toilet paper.

Senior year I was going to go with Andrew, but he couldn't at the last second because he had a choir concert he forgot about. I was going to go with the Monroes (what great dates!!), but I let Mr. Dalton set me up on a blind date with his cousin, who, during the course of the night, fell more and more in love with one of my best friends. Also, Lucinda kicked me off of my table so I had to end up sitting at a table where I didn't know anyone WITH a guy I didn't know at all.

Now this year.

I think I'll move to Australia.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

I thought I recognized a corner of your smile

I just spent about 20 minutes looking at AdSense, a Google based ad-thing that you can put on your site to make money. I got kind of excited until I realized that I hadn't even started this blog yet. So I got on that.

I really don't know why I'm doing this. This meaning this blog. I had a few in middle and high school - you know, xanga, livejournal... but I always got bored and forgot to write in them. I promise to try and keep up with this, but I don't make any guarantees.

But seriously, blogs are great because you can be as self-centered as you want. You can talk about your day and what you did and what attractive guy you may or may not be interested in. A blog is also like a sympathetic friend - he let's you vent without interrupting for as long as you want and doesn't even bore you back with his own problems. A match made in heaven! The only downside is that you can't take a blog to the movies with you.

I went home this last week for my Uncle Bud's funeral. I accomplished the admirable feat of seeing everyone in town that I wanted to - the Monroes, Andrew, Jenn and Jake, and Mandy. Although I will admit it was easier now that no one is left in Tucson. Dang, I just remembered that I didn't see Robert or Chelly, even though we did try. Blast. Well, 4 out of 6 is pretty good.

I've had a band-crush on Hem for about 6 or 7 months now, and I must say that my admiration is growing daily. From the time that Danny McMaken handed me a burned copy of Rabbit Songs sophomore year, second semester, after the Chris thing went kaputz, I have listened to it... well, I just checked iTunes and it says only 5 times, but my hard drive crashed this summer, so that's really not accurate. Just be confident in the fact that I know every word to every song, and I'm definitely almost there with Funnel Cloud, their newest album which came out on my birthday. Praise Allah.

Wouldn't it be fun if I wrote music reviews? But I'm not good at saying things like, "Sally's voice blends almost etherally with the unorthodox, eclectic variety of instrumentation. The musical melodies infuse with the vocals to produce themes reminicent of intensely thought provoking matter." I like the kind of straightforward analysis like, "Sally's voice is great. Her band is great. Sufjan Stevens said so." Totally kidding, totally kidding. But yeah.

Well, I wrote a lot of one of these. At this rate I could publish a novel of all my innermost feelings (like how much I love Diet Coke) in a couple months.